- Are you able to completely switch off and pay no attention when your kids are wanting attention?
- Are you unfit and unsatisfied with the way you look, but not unsatisfied enough to do anything about it?
- Can you confuse your partner with what you actually want from day to day, never actually tell them, but be very cranky when they don’t deliver?
- Do you hate the fact that women aren’t equal but still torture yourself with high shoes?
- Do you only believe scientific reports when they work in your favour, ie 2 glasses of wine each night is excellent for gut health?
- Do you get annoyed when your chubby friends lose weight and there’s one less person to look thinner than?
- Do you forget people’s names and call them ‘darl’? Even family members?
- Do you hide new boxes of shoes at the bottom of your wardrobe, and then wear them and when your husband asks if you are wearing new shoes you say ‘these? I’ve had them for AGES!’ ?
- Do you come up with elaborate excuses to avoid canteen duty? Like, syphilis?
- Do you say ‘I’m here for you anytime’ and then when your friend calls not pick up?
If you answered ‘yes’ to three or more of the above, then the relatable and hilarious comedy stylings of Mandy Nolan and Ellen Briggs are definitely for you. Their show ‘Women Like Us’ has sold out just about 60 shows around the Gold Coast and is still going strong. Mandy kindly agreed to have a quick chat with us ahead of their next performance in November.
How many tourists stopped to take photos with the two of you when you were taking this promo shot?
I feel like we may have brought your numbers down. I could see some people running to their cars. Men were screaming at women ‘don’t look’. But it was too late. They saw us. Real Women are terrifying because we’re being eradicated by botox and spray tans. We need to be heritage listed. Where we live in the Byron Shire, the council uses us in our undies to reduce tourist numbers during our busy times. We just stand at the main roundabout to town and people just exit – it really helps free up the parking.
I feel like there isn’t enough entertainment out there directed towards middle-aged, middle-class cis het white men’s needs and desires. They’re always left out. What will they get out of your show?
I know. Poor babies. At our show they get the lot. They get turned on. And then off. We’re good at that. We patronise. Generalise and stereotype. Same shit they’ve been doing to us for years. Seriously, lots of men come to our show and love it. They live with women like us so they totally get it. Women who come without their blokes always come up at the end of the night saying ‘I wish I’d brought my husband’. Then they go to the cars and let him out of the boot so he can drive them home.
I’m getting in early, getting numbers for a Crazy Old Lady house where we’re going to fuck off our men, get 100 cats, paint nude in the backyard and chase schoolkids down the road banging on cans and reciting poetry. Shall I book you both a spot?
Oh we are totally in. That’s how we live now. There is freedom in ageing. We aren’t Queens of the Stone Age, but we definitely intend to be Queens of the Old Age!
Come and feel normal about your dysfunction when Mandy and Ellen perform two hours of stand up comedy at Surfers Paradise Golf Club on Friday 17 November at 7.30pm. Tix $30 at surfersgolf.com.au. Enquiries to 5572 6088.