I guess every one has pretty much heard of K-Pop. You know, Korean Pop, Psy, Gangnam Style. But have you heard of T-Pop? It stands for the Tweed. And the self-professed Prince of the Tweed, Purple Zain, also known as Prince Faizal, is the master-mind behind this crazy ‘spectacular’.

Always flamboyant, he is resplendent this night in his three-piece suit and neck adornments. It’s a family affair. His mother is on the door greeting patrons and “acting as security”, quips Zain.

Brother Sid, hobbling on crutches after a surfing mishap, is raising funds for Philipino kids at risk of terrorism and drugs. The money goes to buying used surf-boards which will be couriered to the islands to get the kids off the streets and into the sea. Worthy. Admirable. On you Sid.

Harry Napsaka Harrison Rainford-Markarian (The Third?) prowls around the stage belting out his beats and rap, getting the shenanigans started. I wander through the rowdy crowd, recognising many of the merry souls. Ah, the Tweed crew. There is something a bit different and loose about the border mob. In a good way. They have ventured north of wall, amassed an army of wildings, and taken over Miami. (That’s my pathetic attempt to make some kind of reference to Game of Thrones which I actually know one-tenth of sweet-fuck-all about).

Continuing the beats is Shayne Phie, The Realist, MC, singer, songwriter. Zain met him in the Tweed skate park back in the in the day when he was just a grommie. He’s amped to have his premiere stage encounter this eve.

“If you don’t know my fucking name, I am The Realist”, and belts us with his Australian hip hop Tang.

Capital “T’s” all the way.

Change of pace with some dirty, hard-hitting, fast and furious punk from band, Fingered. (No, I’m not going To Go There). Sid hops onto stage and balances precariously on his dicky ankle as he thrashes the bejesus out of his G-Tar. Said it was hard to keep from toppling over and that it was nothing to do with alcohol. Yeah… Right. They rip through tracks When I Scream, New Evil, No Caption Neededand close with, I think, the legendary Radio Birdman’s song, New Race.

Then Snakes and Daggers ROCK the freakin hell out. Eddies Grub House in Cooli is either closed or missing half it’s staff this Saturday night. Instead of flipping burgers – bloody good ones at that- the guys are flippin the fuck out of their rock.

“Voted #1 most anticipated, dangerous and sexual rock ‘n’ roll show of this era”.

Well someone said that and even if it was the guys themselves, I and everyone else agree. Raw as guts.

Dick Dagger’s screaming harmonica and cock-rock axe-wielding shredding sends everyone ape-shit. Bandit Country (minus the O) and All Gone Country. Get it On, Cuming Home and Sex Rocket.

Gee, I wonder what it all means. It’s sure getting hot and raunchy on the dance-floor.

To the star of the show, Purple Zain. Outlandish, outrageous and cocky as all buggery. He and right-hand-woman, Jodie Maloney, have enlisted dancing girls for the nights extravaganza. Zain has had a fascination with them and Korean Pop since a trip to Asia and discovering SBS’s TV program Pop Asia.

Korean Pop is huge over there and all around the globe. PSY brought it to prominence with the massive Gangnam Style. It is a send-up of all the trendy hipsters that hang out in the Gangnam area of Seoul.

So Zain had the light-bulb epitome. Instead of trans-scribing the lyrics, change them to represent the myriad of life-styles that emanate from the Tweed region where he grew up.

And thus off the blocks with Gangnam Style re-worked into North Tweed Intro.

Another huge K-Pop star, Big Bang, sings about partying in Fantastic Baby. So Zain recounts some of the parties he’s been to around the Tweed and at his Terranora ‘Terrordome’ home.

Korean sex-siren Hyune is a solo artist/rapper and also sings in all-girl group 4 Minutes. The track Red is about her always wearing lashings of red lip-sick which Zain likens to an ex-girlfriend.

Abracadabra by Brown Eyed Girls is, oddly, about the green-eyed monster. Jealousy and gaining super voodoo powers to break-up a couple. The hideaway places around the Tweed to spy and plot dastardly deeds.

There is a moment of panic. A lost key-tar. How on earth do you lose one of those fantastic instruments so prolific in the 80’s. Adopted by such luminaires as Jean Michael Jarre, Herbie Hancock, John Paul Jones from Led Zep and of course the other purple prince and Zain’s idol and muse, Prince. ( I think he went into hiding for quite a while after his death).

More recently the key-tar has been used by such artists, Will.I.Am, Matthew Bellamy from Muse and Lady Ga Ga, ra-ra-ra-ra-ra. But who could forget our own Pseudo Echo and that funky-as-get-on-down to Funky Town. Love this hybrid machine. So cool to see it, once eventually found, being resurrected this night.

Tunes and moves to I am the Best, Head and URAS keep us all a shakin ‘n a grooving. Then the finale, Phil Collins’ In The Air Tonight. Oh Lord.

“I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life. Oh Lord”.

Well not for this to finish by any means. Having too much fun and frivolity. A clever and original concept and a whole ship-load of glorious debauchery.

Roll on up. Bring on the dancing girls. Take me to Funky Town.

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